Ottawa's Evil Christmas Elves
Santa letters full of profanity and personal insults.
When a beloved Canada Post program lets kids write letters to Santa, what could possibly go wrong? In 2007, Ottawa families found out the hard way. Rhys and Jesse dive into the true story of the “rogue elves” who sent obscene letters “from Santa,” the full-blown national panic that followed, and why the myth of Santa can be both magical and messed up.
0:00 – Intro Banter & Cozy Studio Setup
0:30 – “The Rogue Ottawa Christmas Elves” – Episode Title Reveal
1:00 – Original Christmas Song Cold Open
2:00 – Welcome to the Festive Special
2:34 – Canada Post’s “Write to Santa” Program Explained
3:13 – How Volunteers Personalize Santa’s Letters
4:39 – A Rogue Elf Appears: Obscene Letters to Kids
5:54 – Reading the Infamous Santa Letter
8:44 – A Child Loses Faith in Santa
9:21 – Is the Santa Myth Economically Unfair?
11:49 – Santa, Parents, and the Cost of Christmas Magic
13:12 – Canada Post’s Crisis Mode: ‘Very, Very Serious’
13:40 – Program Suspended – A ‘24’-Style 48-Hour Hunt
14:22 – New Safeguards & “Save Santa” Campaign
16:31 – CBC Report: Canada Post Finds the Rogue Elves
17:08 – Twist: The Culprits Were Minors
18:24 – Rhys’ Netflix-Worthy Kid Heist Movie Pitch
21:36 – Overreaction or Charming Protectiveness?
23:11 – Mystery Solved: Just Kids Messing Around
23:41 – “Kid Heist” as a Movie Concept
25:10 – Reflecting on 2025 & Trudeau/Katy Perry Gag
26:01 – Jesse Leaves Halifax & Plans South America Travels
28:37 – Sleeper Buses and Budget Travel Dreams
28:59 – Thank You, Listeners – Nearing 500 Episodes
29:22 – SpeakPipe Call for Messages
30:26 – YouTube & Spotify Comments, Listener Love
31:27 – Jesse’s Nightmare Roommates & Party House
33:20 – Finally Living Alone & Less Stressed
34:39 – The Old House, Halifax Explosion & Brothel Rumours
35:16 – Sign-Off: Christmas Wishes & Family Tolerance
36:29 – Musical Outro – Festive Canada Is Boring Song
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